I stumbled across the first stanza below, written in my journal in November of 2003, 10 years after the death of a loved one as I still struggled and tried to ignore the pain. It struck me how the grief had and continues to color and impact everything I was and did, everything I am and do. Over the past 8 years I have made strides to deal with my loss and to right the ship on this journey called life. Thus, I have written a concluding stanza below, remembering our experiences make us who we are.
Lost in illusion, inside my head
Faking a smile, while feeling dead
Voices that scream, make not a sound
Feeling alone, with everyone around
Cloaked in blackness, a hidden heart
Do I trust God? Willing to do my part?
Memories may fade, but sadness remains
Hope for tomorrow, choked by the pain
What good is a life, so goes the debate
Others encourage, the words unheard
The journey continues, however absurd
The light is there, but makes not a sound
I do trust God, As I fall face down
The memories remain, and the heart cries
But hope for tomorrow, is not a lie