Not knowing what to expect I entered with a open heart full of expectancy of an encounter with the living God. Hunger set in immediately as I struggled with the desires of the flesh and the diversions this world offers. Sometime towards the end of day one a still small voice whispered into my mind, "Trust me" and soon then thereafter I heard another whisper saying, "Wait on me."
This phrase echoed continually in my mind from the moment I awoke on day 2 and throughout the day. I was content to rest in that and not knowing exactly what that meant, as new designs for artwork were forming in my mind also. I was happy as it seemed that God was speaking and I was happily listening as my appetite ebbed and flowed.
At the Saturday night church service and the end of day 3, during the time of worship, the phrase "Enlarge your vision" cemented itself into my mind. Sunday morning and day 4, my family attended another church service and the heavens seemed to open up and God clearly spoke into my heart three distinct times.
First He said ~Trust me in all things
As I pondered this He spoke again saying ~Wait on me, I am moving
And then He said ~Enlarge your vision to bless others
He spoke these three phrases individually and distinctly at different times during worship. Wow, what does all of this mean? Are these simply an affirmations? Simply a reminder of what I already should be doing?
As my journey continued into days 5, 6 and 7, my expectations increased and the joy I had felt slowly dissolved into a confused of silence. As I listened to the silence I found myself wandering between the winds of two worlds. My frustration and uncertainty grew, had I really truly heard from God? My desire for food increased exponentially, as a swell of anger began to rise within me, where was God? Wasn't I truly seeking Him and His direction for my life?
After prayer and consultation I decided to end my fast after 7 days due to the position of my heart not being right. I knew that and was willing to accept that if that was all God had to say to me then I would go forward trusting and waiting, believing that he always has my best interests at heart. Day 8 and most of day 9 passed uneventfully in silence with no further revelations from God.
During day 9 I had scribbled the above phrases on a piece of paper and carried it with me the rest of the day. That evening, I shared that scrap of paper with my wife, an angel with no wings that God has blessed me with. She knew God had spoken to me but was not aware of the fullness of my encounter nor the specifics of the words, as I was trying to stayed focused on God during my journey.
God gave my angel a revelation of the true meaning of those phrases as she handed the scrap of paper back to me she said, 'Read them all together.' Not knowing what she meant, I read the words out loud and the eyes of my heart were opened;
Trust me in all things and wait on me, I am moving
to enlarge your vision to bless others.
These were not individual words and phrases from God, but a complete concept of my ministry (Grace Unveiled) and the future direction of my life. I still do not know all that it might entail other than blessing and loving others and I believe the use of my artistic abilities, but I know that God's plan for my life holds great promise. My journey 'wandering between the winds' has stirred my resolve to always believe and have faith in the greatness and goodness of my God. I do not know, but I can trust and wait and I am okay with that.
"Sometimes you cannot know, you can only believe or not." ~CS Lewis
Do not be afraid any longer, only believe. ~Mark 6:36